'Don't be taken in by the grand piano': first impressions of an aged care home

No aged care home is perfect; what matters is the level of care your parents receive

Should aged care homes mimic fancy hotels? Photo by atared althaqeb on Unsplash

Welcome to Care-full, a practical guide to caring for aging parents. Here, you’ll find my tips about how to juggle your caring responsibilities, where to find support, how to navigate government bureaucracy, and how to keep parents safe at home or find the right care facility for them. And – perhaps, most importantly – you’ll realise that you’re not alone during what’s probably your biggest role (reversal) yet!

It was raining the day we arrived at the aged care home we’d chosen for Mum. The rain had released an earthy smell from the soil. Mixed with the fresh scent of eucalyptus leaves, it reminded me of my childhood. The facility is perched on a plateau overlooking a big lake I swam in and sailed on as a kid, not far from where my parents raised us. Yep. We’re back in the ‘hood.

There is much I could write about how this came about. But it’s raw and I’m still in the maelstrom, flailing about for a life raft, trying to keep my head above water as I juggle a thousand tasks to make sure Mum is safe and comfortable. I need to understand how her new home runs, while at the same time sorting through her finances, preparing her apartment for sale, talking to solicitors, updating Centrelink … hoping all the while that life will be easier and better for her here.

So, first impressions will have to do for this post.

Inside the care home, the walls are painted in primary colours – yellow and blue – and it works. Yellow for energy, blue for calmness. We arrived at about 11am in time to put Mum’s things in her room before lunch. There was a gentle buzz about the place. Care staff talked softly, family members wandered in and out of residents’ rooms, the nurse was doing her rounds.

A flutter of activity in an aviary in the dining room caught our eye – yellow budgerigars and peach face love birds were skipping across perches.

Short corridors leading away from the dining area are lined with big Corinthian style doors for each resident room. We were shown to Mum’s room and given time to settle in before a nurse visited to have a quiet chat with her. The room isn’t big, but it’s sunny and cosy and it doesn’t feel like you are in a hospital.

It’s near impossible to get a sense of a place from brochures and online photographs. Over the past 12 months, I’ve visited eight homes, and saw four of them over two days, last week. This was not the home I thought I would choose for Mum. Others were fancier, newer (and more expensive, with Foxtel on the telly, mini cinemas, private dining areas, a choice of alcohol with dinner). But as one resident living at the home Mum has moved to told us about expensive aged care homes: “Don’t be taken in by the grand pianos in the foyer.”

Something about this place – the managers we spoke to, what they told us, how they greeted the residents and stopped to talk to them, what they told us about the things Mum could do if she moved in … it felt right.

No home (except perhaps the one you leave behind) is perfect and only time will tell how Mum will settle in. For now, we are visiting every day, bringing something with us each time to personalise the room – a new doona with a pretty cover, her woollen throw for the armchair, her ‘smart’ clock and a radio, a framed photo of Dad.

There are a million things to tell you about how this came about, and what you can expect if it’s time for your parents to move, but I haven’t got the energy or stomach for that tonight.

If you’ve been through this, I’d love to hear about it and I’m sure my other subscribers would too. Click on the comment button below to start a conversation.

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Wendy Frew is an Australian journalist, author and community broadcaster whose work has appeared in the Sydney Morning Herald, the Australian Financial Review and the BBC, and on 2SER and Radio Northern Beaches. She is the primary carer for her beautiful nonagenarian mother. She wishes she could fly like a Peregrine falcon.